We've all had it happen to us. We meet a hottie or someone we are really attracted to. We may even feel like we formed a strong connection with them. All the signs of mutual attraction are there. The body language reveals attraction and interest. You may even sleep together. Everything goes great until things change. All of a sudden the guy or girl acts differently. It's almost as if they have suddenly become a different person. All of a sudden what appeared to be a solid foundation to build a relationship upon now appears more like quicksand. If you can relate to this then chances are you've been strung along before.
As a conjure worker who does a lot of love work I routinely am approached by clients who are being strung along by the person they wish to have a relationship with. Most of them do not appear to know they are being strung along. That's the purpose of me writing this blog entry.
So what exactly am I talking about when I say "strung along"? Another name for it is "leading someone on". Stringing someone along is a deceptive game that players play. In effect they are putting a leash on you and walking you around as their pet, that is until they bore of you and abandon you. There is no true love or feelings there for you. There is no hope of a relationship. It doesn't matter if you are a man or woman, straight or gay, everyone is capable of being either a player or a victim. Let's take a look at some of the classic warning signs that you may be being strung along by some one.
Classic Signs You Are Being Strung Along
1. The person never actively attempts to reach out to you for communication. If you are always the one who has to text, call or go over to their place to see them then this is a bad sign. If he or she actually liked you they would actively attempt to contact you. This is just a game to them. They have no actual interest in you and thus will not actively attempt to communicate with you.
2. The person only selectively replies to texts or returns phone calls. They are only giving you the bare minimum they feel is needed to keep you hooked on them. Again, if they were truly interested in you they would be actively seeking to communicate with you.
3. The person only wants to make contact when they need something from you. Sorry, but you've been shelved. You are just a toy they take off the shelf when they feel like playing or when they need something from you. You mean nothing to them.
4. The person never wants to have sex with you. The overwhelming majority of people are sexual with only a minority of people being asexual. Therefore, if a person truly was interested in someone there would be a desire for physical intimacy. No desire indicates no true interest.
5. The person only wants to have sex with you on their timetable, when they want to. If you find that this is true it means they are using you and are not interested in your desires. You are just a sex toy to them and as such your desires do not count.
6. The person always tells you what they think you want to hear or always agrees with you. This is especially true at first when they are trying to reel you in. In a true relationship people will have differing thoughts and opinions. You will learn to tolerate each others' views.
7. The person always gives you an excuse when you confront them about their behavior. One of the most common excuses used is "I'm busy with work". Nobody's job takes up 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. They are lying to you. It only takes 2 seconds to answer a text. Remember that.
8. The person feeds you fantasies of futures or goals together but makes no attempt to make them a reality. Pay close attention if the fantasy changes. When they sense you shook off one fantasy they will create a new one for you to believe in.
9. The person avoids any emotions or intimate talk. This is in regards to emotions outside of the fake ones they use to get you hooked on them. It is very common in today's age for these people to only want to text their victims because texting is so impersonal. If they refuse to speak to you on the phone or are hesitant and avoid situations where they are forced to interact with you in a more personal way then it's a sign they are stringing you along. If they truly liked you they would want intimate close contact with you, and more importantly, they would open up to you about their feelings or express them in some manner.
10. If the person doesn't want to be seen with you in public, doesn't want to take you out on a date in public, doesn't want you to meet their friends, etc., then you are being strung along, period! This is a huge warning sign that they do not view you as a potential mate. You are prey to them. You are beneath them and they do not want to be tarnished by being seen together with you in public.
Now that you know some of the classic warning signs let's look at some interesting things about people who constantly string people along.
What You Need To Understand About People Who String People Along
1. They are vampires and parasites that are using you for usually one or more of the following three things; sex, money, or feeding their ego.
2. Most of them have very poor self-esteem and even though their egos are inflated they are also very fragile. They need constant ego-boosting in order to maintain their inflated egos. If they do not get such their egos crash and they become very despondent. These vampires feed by mind fucking their victims and stringing them along.
3. Many to most of them were either fat, unattractive, nerdy, or a dork in the past. Even though they may be a perfect 10 now they still carry with them their former self image and attempt to compensate with their overly inflated egos.
4. They hate you. They despise you. They make fun of you behind your back. They tells lies about you and spread rumors and gossip. They secretly hate you because you are stupid enough to like or love them.
5. Many to most people who habitually string other people along are mentally ill or suffer from a personality disorder, such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
6. It is very common for these people to be current or former drug addicts and alcoholics. A criminal background is also possible.
So the big question is, how do we stop them? How can we prevent becoming victims to people who wish to string you along?
How To Prevent Becoming A Victim , Take Your Power Back And Turn The Tables On Them
1. Listen to your gut instinct. If your gut instinct is telling you the person is stringing you along then it most likely is true.
2. Show apathy and disinterest. These people want their prey to constantly give them emotional reactions, either of love, anxiety, obsession or even anger and hatred. The one thing they can not tolerate is apathy. They can't feed off of apathy. So showing apathy toward them is the same as throwing a monkey wrench into their plans for you. Remember, you can easily fake apathy. It doesn't have to be genuine. Even if you are torn up inside and still have feelings for them you must learn how to fake apathy.
3. Take control of the conversation. You can do this by cutting conversations short, not allowing conversations, and then ending conversations when you chose to end them. Remember, these people already are only wanting to contact you on their terms and timing. So if you take control of the communication in this manner it will highly upset them. One classic technique is to interrupt them abruptly wile they are feeding you bull shit. Remember to do it in an apathetic manner, not showing anger or any emotion. Let them talk and then respond, "Sorry, I'm going to have to let you go..", and then hang up the phone without allowing them to respond. Do a similar thing to end the conversation when you want it to end and not when they chose to end it.
4. Turn them down for sex. Even if you do want it. Reject it. Show apathy and disinterest. If you really want to hurt them mock their skills in the bedroom or tell them they are boring in bed.
5. Reject the false fantasies and goals they feed you. You can even mock them. Laugh and tell him/her how stupid and silly such ideas are.
6. Learn to respond with "maybe" instead of a yes or no when they ask you questions or want you to commit to doing some action. Your real answer is no but you want them to feel ambiguity and a little anxiety. This is especially true if the only want you because they need something from you. Give them the run around.
7. Stop contacting them. When you stop contacting them they will pick up on the fact that their prey is trying to make a run for it and will then usually contact you to keep you hooked. You can then implement these techniques on them.
8. If you reach the point where you finally want to sever the "relationship" completely let them know you know they are trying to string you along. Make sure you do it in the correct manner. Never ask them if they are stringing you along because you are giving them your power. I like to tell them that I know they are stringing me along and that I don't mind because I'm bored. It has worked so far for me. Every time I did this I have received no further contact from such people. Once they know that you know the gig is up and they move on.
If you play your cards right it is possible to reverse the table on them to the point where they become obsessed with you and begin to feel all the mind-fuckery and anxiety they invoked in you. It's a very sweet experience to watch them squirm and lose their shit!
Now, I need to let my readers know a couple of things below.
1. A person is not stringing you along if they are honest with you and tell you they only want sex. If you are pushing a relationship then you are stringing yourself along and they are innocent. The same goes if you are willingly giving them money or items or doing things for them because you want to do it. You can't later hold such over their heads and claim to be the victim.
2. I would advise that you not seek to do any love work on these people. You are not going to have a satisfying romantic relationship with them. If you don't cut it off, and even if you temporarily turn the tables on them, eventually it will return to the point where they have full control over you again. You will not change them. You can only teach them a lesson and turn them loose. Remember, these people are horribly damaged goods. You can't fix them.
3. Even though you shouldn't do love work on them you can do enemy work on them or revenge work. Remember, that deep down inside and far beyond their inflated egos, they are very damaged souls. As such they are very easy to destroy or push over the edge, if you know what you are doing.